I totally forgot my friend was an RA (because I’m stupid) and went to paint something with her, rolled up my sleeves and she saw that I relapsed. I ran back and got band-aids though, so maybe she knows she doesn’t need to do anything about it.
My neighbor from home is still suicidal, and trying to comfort her just offsets me, to the point where I want to say “Fine then. If you go, I go.” Which I know is scary but trying to get her to calm down makes me feel like a dirty hypocrite. I need to be sick, which leads to purging. I need to feel/punish myself which leads to cutting. Finals is a stress that everyone is dealing with right now that does not help.
Seeing people that are the last people you want to see, knowing that they do not give two fucks about you, or even one, puts me over the edge.
Hopefully, this will all pass without any repercussions
Luckily I have people that actually care,
But when the thoughts come it just does not seem to matter